
It’s Survival. 13 Quotes on Trauma and Healing

What is trauma? Look it up in the dictionary, and you’ll find it defined as “a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.” And you know what? It’s painfully common.
According to the Sidran Institute of Traumatic Stress Education and Advocacy, about 70% of people will experience at least one traumatic event in their lifetime.
June is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Awareness Month—a time to shine a light on trauma, its lasting effects, and the importance of healing. Here are thirteen powerful quotes to inspire strength, resilience, and hope.
Quotes on Trauma and Healing

Quote 1: To live in the body of a survivor is to never be able to leave the scene of the crime. I cannot ignore the fact that I live here. – Blythe Baird

Quote 2: Someone once asked me, “Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?” I replied, “Why do you assume I see two roads?” – Unknown

Quote 3: Childhood trauma can lead to an adulthood spent in survival mode, afraid to plant roots, to plan for the future, to trust, and to let joy in. It’s a blessing to shift from surviving to thriving. It’s not simple, but there is more than survival. – Unknown

Quote 4: There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds. – Laurell K. Hamilton

Quote 5: Trauma in a person, decontextualized over time, looks like personality. Trauma in a family, decontextualized over time, looks like family traits. Trauma in a people, decontextualized over time, looks like culture. – Resmaa Menakem

Quote 6: An unhealed person can find offense in pretty much anything someone does. A healed person understands that the actions of others have nothing to do with them. Each day you get to decide which one you will be. – Unknown

Quote 7: Heal, so you don’t have to give a sarcastic tone to uplifting messages. Heal, so you never have to make anyone else the object of your own frustration. Heal, so when someone tells you they love you, you may allow yourself to believe them. – Banff Wellness Retreat

Quote 8: If you continue to carry bricks from your past, you will end up building the same house. – Unknown

Quote 9: Your trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility. – Unknown

Quote 10: As every therapist will tell you, healing involves discomfort. But so is refusing to heal. And over time, refusing to heal is always more painful. – Resmaa Menakem

Quote 11: Trauma creates change you don’t choose. Healing is about creating change you do choose. – Michelle Rosenthal

Quote 12: Now, every time I witness a strong person, I want to know: What darkness did you conquer in your story? Mountains don’t rise without earthquakes. – Katherine Mackenett

Quote 13: Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness yet become something beautiful. – Unknown
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New YBGR SMART Rooms Are Helping Montana Kids Heal

What if healing didn’t have to start with words? Across Montana, SMART rooms are offering kids who’ve experienced trauma a new way to reset, reconnect, and heal. These spaces use sensory experiences and are thoughtfully designed to support their unique needs.
Leading this effort is Charise Lemelin, Clinical Director of Community-Based Services, whose vision is bringing SMART rooms to life in communities across the state.
What Are SMART Rooms?
SMART rooms (Sensory Motor Arousal Regulation Treatment) are therapeutic spaces that help children and teens regulate emotions and behaviors in ways that go beyond traditional talk therapy. Developed by clinical experts at the Trauma Center at Justice Resource Institute, the SMART model integrates sensory and motor activities to support youth who have experienced complex trauma.
These rooms use tools like:
- Weighted blankets for comfort and grounding
- Fitness balls to promote body awareness and self-regulation
- Other sensory tools that help kids manage emotions and build resilience
Each space gives youth a place to pause, engage their senses, and practice healthy ways to navigate difficult moments.
Expanding SMART Rooms Across Montana
Thanks to Charise’s leadership, SMART spaces are becoming a vital part of our community-based services. Each new room reflects our commitment to trauma-informed care — helping youth access practical tools that support healing and growth.
Stay Connected
Stay tuned to our news updates for the latest from across Montana, and follow us on social media. You can find us on LinkedIn at Yellowstone Boys and Girls Ranch, Instagram at @ybgr_cares, and Facebook at Yellowstone Boys and Girls Ranch.

June Is PTSD Awareness Month: Exploring Trauma, Recovery, and Hope

Did you know June is PTSD Awareness Month? It’s a time to shed light on post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) — a serious mental health condition that can affect people of all ages and backgrounds.
What Is PTSD?
Post-traumatic stress disorder develops after exposure to highly stressful or traumatic events. This may include violence, abuse, accidents, natural disasters, or combat. It affects roughly 8 million Americans annually, including children, caregivers, and adults in our communities.
Check out the video below from Vietnam veteran Ron Whitcomb, where he shares his powerful story of navigating life with PTSD after returning from the war in the late 1960s.
PTSD Symptoms
PTSD symptoms can vary but often fall into these key categories:
Intrusive Memories
Intrusive memories can look like:
- Recurring, unwanted, distressing memories
- Flashbacks (reliving the traumatic event)
- Nightmares about the trauma
- Emotional or physical distress when reminded of the event
Avoidance
Avoidance can manifest as:
- Avoiding thoughts, feelings, or conversations about trauma
- Steering clear of places, people, or activities that bring back memories of trauma
Negative Changes in Mood and Thinking
Negative changes in mood and thinking can look like:
- Negative beliefs about self, others, or the world
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Memory gaps about trauma
- Feeling detached or estranged from loved ones
- Loss of interest in once-enjoyed activities
- Emotional numbness
Changes in Physical and Emotional Reactions
Changes in physical and emotional reactions can manifest as:
- Being easily startled or feeling on edge
- Self-destructive behaviors (e.g., substance misuse, reckless driving)
- Difficulty sleeping or concentrating
- Irritability, angry outbursts, or aggressive behavior
- Feelings of guilt or shame
PTSD in Children
For children under age 6, symptoms may also include:
- Re-enacting the trauma during play
- Frightening dreams
What Causes PTSD?
PTSD can result from any event that feels life-threatening or overwhelming. Common causes include:
- Combat exposure
- Physical or sexual assault
- Serious accidents
- Sudden loss of a loved one
- Childhood abuse or neglect
Treatment and Support
There is hope. PTSD treatment often includes therapy, medication, and support groups. Early intervention can make a big difference in healing and recovery.
Want to Learn More?
Click here for more information about PTSD causes, treatments, and how it affects children.
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A Day to Remember: Yellowstone Academy Graduation, Class of 2025

Yesterday’s Yellowstone Academy graduation ceremony at the Ranch marked a powerful milestone—one that was years in the making for seven incredible students.
Some spent nearly their entire educational journeys as day school students at Yellowstone Academy, while others completed the final stretch of high school while in our care.
No matter their path, each student earned far more than a diploma. They walked away with a hard-won victory—a testament to perseverance, growth, and the power of care and connection.
Staff Reflections Highlight Growth, Resilience, and Strength
The 2025 Yellowstone Academy graduation ceremony opened with heartfelt remarks from John Boeder, Chaplain, and Cass Cole, Principal. Their words set the tone for a moving celebration grounded in hope and achievement.
Throughout the event, staff who stood beside these students over the years shared reflections on their growth and transformation.
Speakers included:
- Bobby Sipes, Teacher
- Tara Kirkegard, Behavior Specialist
- Dan Porisch, Former Behavior Specialist
- Lacey Jones, Therapist
- Jevon Lulf, Teacher
Their stories honored the progress each student made—both academically and personally.
Graduates Share Wisdom for the Road Ahead
Each graduate left their mark—and a quote of wisdom for others:
“Treat others how you want to be treated.”
“Working hard is important, but there is something that matters even more…believing in yourself.”
“Life is your game. If you have a dream, go chase it.”
“Life is too deep for words, so don’t try to describe it. Just live it.”
“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”
“The history you leave behind should be what describes you, not your past.”
“It’s your life; live it well.”
“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”
Keith Tresch, Superintendent, handed out the diplomas, and Dwight Von Schriltz, Director of Special Education Services, presented the newly graduated students to the crowd—marking both an ending and a new beginning.
From all of us at YBGR and Yellowstone Academy—congratulations to the class of 2025! Your strength inspires us. Your future is bright.
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15 Quotes on Emotional Healing

Emotional healing starts with feeling.
We can’t heal what we don’t allow ourselves to feel. The emotions we bury don’t disappear; they build up, quietly impacting our health, relationships, and sense of peace. Left unaddressed, they can become a heavy weight that we pass down through our parenting—rippling through future generations.
Below are fifteen quotes on generational patterns, trauma, and the journey to emotional healing.
Quotes Exploring the Path to Emotional Healing

Quote 1: That which is left unresolved from our childhood will land on the lap of our romantic partnerships + our parenting. – Inspired by Dr. Erika Velez
What remains unsettled within us finds its way into our parenting and relationships. Through self-awareness and compassion, we can break free from the patterns that no longer serve us. By nurturing our emotional well-being, we pave the way for a brighter, more connected future.

Quote 2: When children have big feelings, and we use toys, treats, or activities to distract them from what’s upsetting, we show them how to escape uncomfortable feelings rather than how to cope and move through them. – @aparentingpath
When children experience big emotions, it can be tempting to resort to toys, treats, or activities as a quick fix to help them feel better. But when we choose this path, we unintentionally teach them to evade rather than confront their discomfort.
Instead, embrace the opportunity to teach kids how to sit with and process their emotions. By holding space, validating feelings, and gently guiding children through challenging moments, we equip them with the tools to cope, grow, and thrive.

Quote 3: Addiction begins with the hope that something “out there” can instantly fill the emptiness inside. – Jean Kilbourne
Addiction is often born from a pattern of seeking external comforts to escape internal discomfort. When we distract kids from their feelings, we unintentionally teach them to avoid or suppress their emotions rather than develop healthy coping mechanisms to navigate through them.
Early patterns of seeking instant relief set the stage for addiction as we learn to seek external sources to fill our inner void. We must teach kids how to recognize, express, and process their emotions, providing them with the tools to cope, heal, and build resilience in facing life’s challenges.

Quote 4: If we never let children go through the full wave of emotions when the emotion hits, there won’t be the assurance that it will pass. That is scary. – Krysten Taprell
Emotions are like waves, rising and falling in intensity. We must allow kids to experience the entire spectrum of the waters.
If we shield them from the waves, they may not grasp the temporary nature of emotions—which, for a child, can be scary. But when we courageously guide them through the storm, we assure them that feelings pass, bringing strength and comfort.

Quote 5: Numbing is a very human defense mechanism. It is a disconnect to protect ourselves from what has been emotionally and relationally too vulnerable, overwhelming, hurtful, or unsafe. – Inspired by Lelia Schott
Numbing acts as a disconnect, offering temporary respite from the intensity of our emotions—but while momentarily comforting, it prevents healing.
We must allow ourselves to experience emotions, embracing our discomfort with courage and compassion. By facing our vulnerabilities head-on, we create space for healing and lay the path to resilience.

Quote 6: Research on emotional suppression shows that when emotions are pushed aside or ignored, they get stronger. Psychologists call this amplification. – Inspired by Susan David
We have to feel it to heal it. By embracing our emotions, we open the door to self-regulation—cultivating greater self-awareness, healthier responses to others, and a more balanced journey.

Quote 7: Yes, your emotions are valid, but that is not permission to react to those emotions in any way you feel like it. We are all connected, and words and actions are impactful, so use them responsibly. – Inspired by Dr. Caroline Leaf
Yes, our emotions are valid, and it’s important to honor and acknowledge them. But it’s equally essential to recognize that our emotions don’t permit us to react without considering the impact on others.
Our words and actions hold power. Even in the face of intense emotions, we have the capacity to respond thoughtfully. We can choose words that heal rather than harm—actions that uplift rather than tear down.

Quote 8: A lot of our explosive emotional reactions aren’t actually a response to the present moment. They’re a build-up of all the times we were in a similar dynamic and did not stand up for ourselves, use our voices, or express our emotions. – @haileypaigemagee
Our emotional reactions often trace back to unresolved echoes of our past, reverberating through our present experiences. By acknowledging our feelings, we grant ourselves the space to understand their origins—unraveling the threads of past experiences that continue to weave into our present reactions.
As we cultivate a deeper understanding, we unlock the power of healthier responses to others, fostering empathy and compassion in our connections.

Quote 9: Never let your emotions overpower your intelligence. – Drake Taylor
Have you heard of the term “emotional hijacking?” It refers to a sudden and intense emotional response that bypasses our ability to process situations logically.
Our amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions and triggering the fight-or-flight response, takes over the rational thinking processes of the prefrontal cortex, resulting in impulsive behaviors, exaggerated emotional reactions, and difficulty in making sound decisions.
It can occur in response to perceived threats, stressful events, or triggers of traumatic experiences, leading to outbursts of anger, fear, or sadness that may be disproportionate to a situation.
Recognizing when emotional hijacking is taking place is essential to responding effectively. Techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, and taking a step back to assess can help us regain control over our emotions and allow for more thoughtful responses.

Quote 10: It’s not about managing your emotions. It’s about managing your reaction to your emotions. – Inspired by Yung Pueblo
Emotional intelligence is not just about controlling our emotions but leveraging them as a source of strength. More than managing our feelings, it’s empowering ourselves to manage our reactions to them effectively.

Quote 11: Identifying the pattern is awareness; choosing not to repeat the cycle is growth. – Billy Chapata
Growth starts when we consciously decide not to perpetuate old cycles—a journey that begins with self-awareness. By identifying patterns woven into our interactions and tuning into our emotions, we can understand ourselves and others more profoundly.
Once we start this trek, we’re better able to respond intentionally to those in our lives rather than simply reacting—a transformative step towards greater well-being and more harmonious relationships.

Quote 12: We cannot be more connected to others than we are to ourselves. – Brene Brown
True connection to others begins with cultivating a deep connection to ourselves. Through self-discovery, self-acceptance, and self-compassion, we create the foundation for meaningful and authentic relationships.
When we prioritize nurturing our own well-being, we unlock the capacity to understand and empathize with others on a more profound level. By tending to our own emotional landscape, we gain the tools to navigate the intricate terrain of human connection.

Quote 13: Our ability to tolerate anger, frustration, and behavior we don’t like is a skill we can strengthen by investigating the source of our discomfort. – Lori Petro
We can’t meet others more deeply than we’ve met ourselves.
By delving into the root causes of our discomfort, we open the door to strengthening our emotional resilience. As we gain insight into our triggers and patterns, we empower ourselves to respond with empathy and understanding to others.
Remember, our capacity to navigate anger, frustration, and behaviors that challenge us is a skill we can hone. Through self-reflection and curiosity, we expand our ability to tolerate + hold space for others, fostering healthier relationships.

Quote 14: Practicing how to turn toward ourselves with curious compassion when we are having a hard time is a big step towards softening our reactions. – Lelia Schott
In challenging moments when emotions are high and patience is low, we can respond instead of react.
By cultivating the ability to pause and tune into our emotions, we create space for understanding and acceptance. When we extend compassion to ourselves, we open the door to softer, more empathetic responses to others.

Quote 15: Look at yourself through the lens of compassion and understanding. Only then growth is possible. – Anna Aslanian, LMFT
Self-awareness is a powerful tool that allows us to evolve and thrive—both personally and professionally. By looking at ourselves through a lens of compassion, we open the door to endless opportunities for growth.
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MMIP Awareness Month: Honoring Lives and Raising Voices at the Ranch

May is MMIP Awareness Month, a time to honor Missing and Murdered Indigenous People (MMIP) and raise visibility around the violence impacting Native communities. At Yellowstone Boys and Girls Ranch, youth and staff gathered for a powerful vigil on Wednesday, May 14th, that brought this national crisis close to home.
Youth-Led Vigil Brings Focus to MMIP Awareness
Led by Mustang Nation—a youth-led cultural club through our Native American Services program—the event was held in the Chapel on campus. Youth and staff came together to reflect, learn, and take action.
The vigil raised awareness about MMIP, the risks of human trafficking, and the growing dangers of illicit fentanyl in Indigenous communities. To close the gathering, participants joined in a Red Sand activation—filling sidewalk cracks with red sand to symbolize those who have fallen through the cracks of systems meant to protect them.
Standing in Solidarity, Amplifying Awareness
Among those present were Mike Chavers, CEO; Josie Brady, Native American Services Coordinator; Charlie Sleeper, Mental Health Worker; Eric Thorson, Licensed Addiction Counselor; and MMIP advocates Yolanda Fraser and Justin Ras. Their presence reflected a shared commitment to standing with Indigenous communities and amplifying youth voices.
As we observe MMIP Awareness Month, we recommit to listening, learning, and taking action. Events like this remind us that awareness is only the beginning—what follows must be ongoing support, advocacy, and change.
Shirts Now Available to Support MMIP Efforts
Youth at the Ranch designed a T-shirt to raise awareness and funds in support of MMIP efforts. Proceeds from shirt purchases go directly toward advocacy and outreach.
Shirts are available through June 20th. Click here to order and support the cause.
Stay Connected
Stay tuned to our news updates for the latest from across Montana, and follow us on social media. You can find us on LinkedIn at Yellowstone Boys and Girls Ranch, Instagram at @ybgr_cares, and Facebook at Yellowstone Boys and Girls Ranch.

YBGR Celebrates MSW Carroll College Graduates

This spring, we’re celebrating teammates who put in the work—earning everything from professional certificates to master’s degrees, including our MSW crew at Carroll College.
Pictured above with Dr. James Petrovich, Director of the Master of Social Work Program and a YBGR board member, are:
- Katon Gerky, Targeted Case Manager in Harlem
- Jasmine Hansen, PR Coordinator
- Caitlin Cooper, Behavioral Specialist in Dillon
- Skyler Carroll, Program Manager at Jessie Grant Lodge
These graduates were recognized at Carroll College’s MSW Hooding Ceremony in Helena on Friday, May 9th.
Balancing Responsibilities & Pushing Forward
Each of these professionals balanced full-time jobs, family responsibilities, and challenging academic coursework—all while continuing to serve youth and families with heart and perseverance.
Their achievement is a testament to what’s possible when education is supported and aligned with purpose. At YBGR, we believe in investing in the people delivering critical youth mental health services across Montana. By creating opportunities for professional development, we expand access to care in our rural communities and strengthen our workforce from within.
Our “Grow Your Own” Program: Advancing MSW Careers & More
YBGR and Yellowstone Academy offer several pathways to pursue an MSW or other academic goals through our “Grow Your Own” initiative:
- University partnerships, such as those with Carroll College and Grand Canyon University, offer tuition discounts and flexible degree programs.
- Scholarships, provided by the Yellowstone Boys and Girls Ranch Foundation, help fund degrees and certifications.
- Student loan repayment grants support therapists currently practicing at YBGR or the Academy.
These supports help our team grow while expanding the care we provide to kids across Montana.
Grow Your Career While Giving Back
Looking for a meaningful career where you can grow professionally and make an impact? Join our team of caring people, preparing youth for life! Navigate to our Careers tab to explore our open positions.
Stay Connected
Stay tuned to our news updates for the latest from across Montana, and follow us on social media. You can find us on LinkedIn at Yellowstone Boys and Girls Ranch, Instagram at @ybgr_cares, and Facebook at Yellowstone Boys and Girls Ranch.

How to Recognize Trauma Triggers in Kids and Respond

Trauma triggers can be easy to miss—especially in children. But recognizing them is key to understanding behavior, offering meaningful support, and helping kids feel safe.
What’s a trauma trigger? A trigger is a reminder of past trauma. It can set off an emotional alarm system, causing feelings of overwhelming sadness, anxiety, or panic.

Common Trauma Triggers
Our capacity to navigate our triggers and recognize them in children is critical to our ability to provide gentle guidance and help kids grow strong.
Common trauma triggers include:

How Kids Respond to Trauma Triggers
A good indicator that trauma has been triggered is when response intensity doesn’t match the intensity of stressors or when behaviors seem confusing or inexplicable.

Look for Emotions Driving Behaviors
When navigating triggers, get curious. Look for the emotions driving behaviors and use mirroring as a tool for supportive conversations.

When we acknowledge we’re aware of children’s feelings & experiences, it’s normalizing. We don’t need to talk them out of their feelings—this kind of recognition is healing.
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Tribal Leaders Visit for Closer Look at Native American Services

In April, we had the privilege of welcoming tribal chairmen and council members from across Montana to the Ranch for a closer look at our Native American Services programming—a vital piece of how we deliver on our mission: Caring people, preparing youth for life.
Native American Services — Cultural Connection in Practice
Our Native American Services program weaves cultural connection into treatment at the Ranch—supporting healing, strengthening identity, and fostering belonging. From weekly smudging and cultural activities to classroom integration, Native heritage is part of everyday life for youth who choose to participate.
We welcomed guests with a smudge prepared for the occasion using a custom blend from Lunar Brambles, a small herbal business that provides ongoing support, free of charge, to Mustang Nation—a key part of our programming.
Shared Conversation and Commitment
The visit was led by Josie Brady, our Native American Services Coordinator, whose work anchors the program and creates meaningful opportunities for cultural connection at the Ranch. Under her guidance, the day included space for honest conversation, shared insight, and reflections on how we can continue to strengthen our work moving forward.
We’re grateful for the time spent together—and for the opportunity to walk alongside youth in ways that honor their culture and identity.
Stay Connected
Stay tuned to our news updates for the latest from across Montana, and follow us on social media. You can find us on LinkedIn at Yellowstone Boys and Girls Ranch, Instagram at @ybgr_cares, and Facebook at Yellowstone Boys and Girls Ranch.

17 Quotes on Helping Kids Navigate Anxiety

Do you have a child who struggles with anxiety? If so, you know that anxious feelings can shine through in several less-than-straightforward ways—making them, at times, tricky to navigate.
Common Missed Signs of Anxiety

Quotes Illustrating How to Help Kids Navigate Anxiety
Below are seventeen quotes illustrating childhood anxiety, its trajectory, and how to support kids.

Quote 1: Anxiety doesn’t always look like a nervous child. Sometimes it looks like a quiet, angry, or difficult child. – Unknown
Anxiety in kids can be easy to miss if we’re only looking for signs of nervousness. More often than not, it hides behind behaviors we misread—like refusal, irritability, or silence.
What looks like “bad behavior” is often the language of distress. Kids who feel out of control inside will try to find control in the only ways they can.
Anxiety is the brain’s alarm system working overtime—scanning for danger and often misfiring.

Quote 2: Anxiety is often masked by aggression. – @raisinghumankind
Aggression can be anxiety’s armor. When a child feels emotionally cornered, they may fight their way out by yelling, hitting, or pushing limits.
This isn’t defiance—it’s protection. Many children don’t yet have the language to express what they’re feeling, so their body speaks for them.

Quote 3: Consistent anger from a child is often a sign of overwhelm and anxiety. – Sarah Boyd
When a child seems angry all the time, it’s easy to assume they’re just being difficult. But anger, especially when it becomes a pattern, is usually a sign that something deeper is going on.
Here’s what’s actually happening: Their nervous system is overwhelmed.
Instead of moving through stress and returning to calm, their body stays on high alert—stuck in a state that feels unsafe, even if there’s no obvious danger. That constant tension builds, and it often spills out as anger. It’s not about bad behavior. It’s about a body and brain that can’t reset.
What kids need isn’t harsher consequences—it’s support. Tools that help them feel safe, calm, and connected.
Without intervention, that stress response pattern can hardwire itself, following kids into adulthood and shaping how they respond to the world. Understanding this doesn’t mean we excuse the behavior—but it does change how we respond to it.

Quote 4: Frustration, anger, and fear shut down the thinking parts of our brain. When your child is dysregulated, they cannot access the smartest part of the brain until their emotions are calmed. – Institute of Child Psychology
Ever tried reasoning with a child mid-meltdown? It’s like trying to explain taxes to someone whose house is on fire. The brain literally can’t take in logic when it’s in panic mode.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman called this an “amygdala hijack”—when the emotional center of the brain (the amygdala) senses threat and takes over, sending the body into fight, flight, or freeze.
When this happens, the thinking part of the brain—responsible for decision-making and problem-solving—goes offline. At that moment, our job isn’t to fix the behavior with words. It’s to help their body feel safe again.
Fewer words.
Slower breath.
Calm presence.
You’re not teaching—they’re not ready to learn. You’re just helping the storm pass.

Quote 5: Young kids can feel big emotions or think with logic and reason. But they can’t do both at the same time. Connect first. Then reason. – @loveandletgrow
Picture the brain like a ladder. At the bottom are survival instincts—big emotions, impulsive reactions, fight or flight responses. At the top is logical thinking. When a child is upset, they’re down on the bottom rungs.
Dr. Bruce Perry, a leading expert in childhood trauma, teaches that the brain develops and responds in sequence: first we regulate, then we relate, and only then can we reason. That means emotional safety comes before problem-solving.
We can’t ask kids to think clearly if their body still feels under threat. Connection—eye contact, empathy, calm presence—is how we help them climb back up the ladder.

Quote 6: Remember, nobody (child or adult) thinks clearly when emotions are high. Wait for the wave to pass before working through the issue. – Inspired by Krysten Taprell
There’s a time to teach, and it’s not mid-meltdown. Kids need the emotional wave to pass before they can reflect, reset, and try again.
Be patient.
Patience doesn’t mean ignoring the behavior—it means picking the right moment to address it. When a child is dysregulated, their thinking brain goes offline. Giving them a chance to settle first helps bring that part of the brain back online—so they can hear you.

Quote 7: Few adults are comfortable in the presence of a child’s anger. We see it as disrespectful, embarrassing, or threatening. That’s a problem because these outbursts are often nested in worry, confusion, loneliness, anxiety, jealousy, or insecurity. What would happen if we trained ourselves to see children’s anger as an invitation to get curious? What if we practiced stepping toward our kids rather than sending them away until they’ve pulled themselves together? – Deborah Farmer Kris
Big feelings in kids tend to stir up big reactions in adults. But attachment research tells us that when children are dysregulated, they don’t need space from us—they need space with us. Step in, not back.
Your calm presence shows them that emotions aren’t something to be ashamed of—and that they don’t have to face them alone.

Quote 8: When we try to talk kids out of their emotions, they feel like we don’t understand. So their anxiety will then “fight” to be heard. – Unknown
Telling kids to “calm down” or “don’t worry” can feel invalidating—even if we mean well. What they hear is, “You’re overreacting.” When kids don’t feel heard, their anxiety gets louder.
A simple “That sounds really hard” can go a long way in helping them settle. Emotional validation helps the brain feel safe, which is a prerequisite for problem-solving.

Quote 9: If you punish a child for what was actually a stress-induced behavior, all you’ll do is add to the child’s stress load and your own. – Dr. Stuart Shanker
If a child could do better in a challenging moment, they would. Behaviors driven by stress or fear aren’t calculated—they’re reactive. Responding with punishment often makes it worse. What helps is recognizing the signal and responding with regulation. This approach doesn’t remove accountability—it creates a pathway to it.

Quote 10: Children never choose the meltdown or any anxiety-related behavior in the same way that you never choose to have a meltdown in front of your family, colleagues, or friends. A meltdown is not a choice; it’s a byproduct of a brain that isn’t coping with something. And that brain needs to be showered in love, compassion, and safety. Not punishment, fear, or shame. – Allison Davies
No one wants to lose control—not kids, not adults. When a child is melting down, their system is overwhelmed. What they need is an anchor. Someone calm. Someone steady. Someone who reminds them that they’re still safe. The goal is to co-regulate first—only then can reflection and repair happen.

Quote 11: Rhythm and ritual decrease the unknown in a child’s day, which soothes the nervous system and results in fewer meltdowns and less hard-to-navigate behaviors. – Inspired by @raisinghumankind
Kids thrive on knowing what’s next. Ever notice how a breakdown is more likely when plans change at the last minute or routines get skipped?
That’s not a coincidence—it’s brain science.
Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory explains that our nervous system is constantly scanning for cues of safety or danger. When things feel familiar and predictable, the brain relaxes. When they don’t, the brain prepares for threat.
This is why rituals and routines—like a morning goodbye hug or a nightly story—aren’t just nice traditions. They help calm the body and create the sense of safety anxious kids need to function well.

Quote 12: During high-stress moments or those of transition, provide kids with as much certainty and control as possible to reduce anxiety and increase their ability to cope emotionally. – Unknown
Transitions are fertile ground for anxiety. Offering small choices—what to wear, what book to bring—restores a child’s sense of control. When kids feel like they have a say, their stress load drops. And when they feel prepared, they feel safer.

Quote 13: Feeling out of control as a child creates a need to control as an adult. – @breakthecycle_coaching
When a child grows up in chaos—never sure what mood the adults will be in, or whether they’ll be praised or punished for the same behavior—they learn to brace themselves. Their nervous system stays on high alert, always scanning for what might go wrong. Over time, that constant tension can show up as anxiety, hypervigilance, and a deep need to control the world around them—because control feels like safety.
The CDC’s Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study found that early experiences of abuse, neglect, and instability can significantly impact how the brain and body respond to stress. While the study doesn’t talk about control specifically, what we see in practice—and what other trauma research supports—is that kids from unpredictable environments often try to create order in whatever ways they can.
But here’s the powerful part: when we give kids voice and choice—when we let them feel heard and offer safe, predictable care—we help their nervous systems learn that not everything has to be a threat. We teach them that the world can be safe, and they do get a say.

Quote 14: People prefer the certainty of misery to the misery of uncertainty. – Virginia Satir
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy teaches us something important about anxiety: it feeds on unpredictability. When things feel uncertain or out of control, anxiety ramps up. That’s why kids often cling to what’s familiar—even if it isn’t working. The known feels safer than the unknown.
Virginia Satir’s words above couldn’t be more true for anxious kids. That’s why they may resist change, avoid new situations, or freeze when things feel uncertain. It’s not about defiance—it’s about survival.
The work isn’t to force them out of their comfort zone. It’s to stretch it gently. When we help kids tolerate discomfort—rather than avoid it—we expand their window of tolerance and help them build confidence.
Over time, they learn they can do hard things. And that’s when anxiety starts to loosen its grip.

Quote 15: If we allow kids to avoid the things they fear, they’ll enjoy the short-term relief of staying close to home and the long-term problem of continuing to feel fearful. – Dr. Lisa Damour
Avoidance brings relief—but only for a moment. Long-term, it feeds the fear. Supporting kids in facing fear in small steps helps them realize they’re more capable than they think.
Bravery isn’t fearlessness—it’s fear walked through. And every step builds the belief: “I can do hard things.”

Quote 16: If we want to help our children manage anxiety, we need to celebrate their bravery, not just their success. -Krysten Taprell
A child might not finish the race—but for some, showing up at the starting line takes everything. When we celebrate courage, not just outcomes, we reinforce what matters most: effort, resilience, and the belief that trying again is always worth it.
Highlight the process, not just the performance.

Quote 17: Feeling capable is a natural antidote to anxiety and depression in children and teens. – @drnicolebeurkens
Research on self-efficacy tells us that confidence is built through doing. Kids don’t need to be rescued from struggle—they need support while they move through it. The more capable they feel, the quieter their anxiety becomes.
Capability builds confidence—and confidence calms fear.
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