Parenting a foster child with trauma history can be challenging.

Trauma profoundly influences brain development, impacting children’s behaviors, ability to regulate emotions, and even their capacity to form healthy relationships.

And for many, it’s coupled with attachment issues, rooted in everything from abuse and neglect early on in life to repeated moves due to broken-down placements.

Here are some signs that may indicate a child is struggling with attachment.

Parenting children with attachment issues rooted in a history of trauma can be a formidable task. To put it simply—it’s not easy to be a foster parent.

But the work is so critical. The bonds foster parents build with kids help them heal and serve as the foundation for healthy connections in adulthood.

We want to guide you on the path to parenting kids with trauma history. So, here are a few tips to help build trust and influence children’s behavior.

Tips on Parenting Kids with a History of Trauma

Meet Needs

Your #1 goal is to find out your foster child’s needs and meet them. And the best way to find out is to ask. When doing so, be direct, using exact language. For example, “What’s going on?” “What are your needs?” “How can I support you?”

Say “Yes”

Kids in foster care have little power over their lives. So, often that manifests in a desire for control.

You can go miles when it comes to building trust with children by focusing on dishing out “yes” more than “no.” The optimal ratio is 7:1, saying “yes” 7 times for every “no.”

Make Eye Contact

Our eyes speak louder than words.

Nonverbal cues are critical components of communication, especially for kids with trauma history. As often as possible, get on your foster child’s eye level when speaking to them.

Mirror Behavior

Be a mirror. Secure attachment is characterized by a healthy rhythm between children and their caregiver’s behavior. For instance, if a baby coos, their mother will coo back, or when a toddler laughs, their father laughs too.

Congruent behaviors build trust and attachment.

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When emotions run high, your ability to regulate—to effectively manage your emotions, energy levels, and behaviors—makes all the difference. It’s an essential skill, not just for your own well-being, but for navigating relationships with others in a way that builds trust and connection.

We all have moments when our feelings take over—when frustration builds or someone hits a nerve. In those moments, it’s easy to react. But when we pause, reflect, and respond with intention, we strengthen our relationships and model emotional balance for those around us.

How to Regulate Emotions & Respond to Others

Here are five simple, powerful tips to help you regulate in the moment and respond with clarity—not overwhelm.

Identify Your Triggers

Start by paying attention to the patterns—those moments that consistently spark strong emotional responses. Do certain situations, tones, or topics light a fuse? Recognizing your triggers isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness. When you understand what’s setting you off, you’re better equipped to respond instead of react.

Pause and Breathe

When you notice your body or mind getting activated, give yourself a beat. Pause. Breathe. That tiny gap between stimulus and response? It matters. It’s where self-control lives. The goal isn’t to ignore what you’re feeling—it’s to create just enough space to choose how you want to respond.

Notice What You Feel

Emotions often show up in the body before the brain fully catches on. A tight chest. Clenched jaw. Restless legs. Be curious about those signals—they’re information. Tuning in to what you feel physically can offer insight into what’s happening emotionally.

Accept Your Emotions

There’s no “bad” emotion. Anger, sadness, fear—these are all natural parts of being human. Accepting your emotions doesn’t mean letting them run the show. It means acknowledging what’s present without judgment. Practicing self-compassion in tough moments helps us show up better for others and for ourselves.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness doesn’t need to be complicated. It’s simply about noticing what’s happening—inside you and around you. Use your senses. What do you hear? Feel? See? Returning to the present helps you stay grounded when emotions feel big.

The Bottom Line

Regulating emotions isn’t about stuffing them down or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about building awareness, creating space, and responding with intention. Whether you’re parenting a child with big feelings or navigating the complexities of professional life, these small shifts can have a big impact.

You won’t get it perfect every time—and that’s okay. But with practice, you’ll start to notice moments of calm where there once was chaos. And those moments matter.

Want More?

Check out the rest of our blog and follow us on social media. You can find us on LinkedIn at Yellowstone Boys and Girls Ranch, Instagram at @ybgr_cares, and Facebook at Yellowstone Boys and Girls Ranch.