How to Skip Power Struggles with Kids by Saying Yes
Want to know an easy trick to reduce power struggles, build trust, and teach kids healthy decision-making skills? It starts with saying yes!
That might sound backwards. Parents spend a lot of time saying no to keep kids safe and on track. But the way we say no often sparks the very battles we’re trying to avoid. A slight shift in language can protect the boundary and keep the relationship steady.
Check out the graphic below to see how a simple change in wording can help you set limits while giving kids a path forward.
Why “Finding the Yes” Works
Kids have very little control over their daily lives. Adults decide when they wake up, where they go, what they eat, and how they spend their time. That lack of control can show up as arguing, stalling, or big reactions to small requests.
When we only say no, kids hear a door slam shut—when we “find the yes,” we leave a door open.
The boundary stays the same, but the message changes from:
“You can’t” → to → “Here’s how you can.”
That difference helps kids feel empowered instead of powerless.
What This Teaches Children
This approach does more than stop a meltdown in the moment. It builds skills kids will use for life:
- How to handle limits without losing connection
- How to make choices within boundaries
- How to delay gratification
- How to solve problems instead of digging in
How to Try It Today
Here’s how to try the “find the yes” technique today:
1. Hold the boundary.
You don’t need to give in to be kind.
2. Offer a path to yes.
Tell your child what can happen and when.
3. Keep your tone steady.
The magic is in calm, confident delivery.
Remember, even one sentence can change the direction of an interaction.
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