The Mental Health Corner Archive
Time to work on marriage quality
April 8, 2009
When people don’t satisfy us, we often turn to money and the things it can buy to meet our needs. With the sharp downturn in the economy, the things that money can buy are not being turned to at the same rate as they were when money was flowing more freely - cars, computers, new homes, vacation trips – and on the list goes.
More effort needed
Without as many tangible distractions, more effort is needed and required to make relationships progress smoothly, especially marriages. The current worldwide economic problems are placing financial pressure on couples to just maintain the lifestyle to which they have grown accustomed. Many are beginning to have to downsize their lifestyle and face the reality of placing more effort in the relationship with their spouse, to find increased satisfaction and fulfillment.
Fewer Options
With the change in the economy, there are fewer options for diversion and distraction and an increased need for couples to focus on their relationship and the tools needed to make it work better.
Here are a few brief suggestions for improving your marriage relationship:
1) Spend increased undivided time with your spouse doing something you both enjoy and have not taken time to do for awhile.
2) Decide on a new activity you might engage in together and then do it, sharing the discovery process together.
3) Think about your top needs in the relationship with your spouse and share practical ways to address them. Have your spouse do the same with you. Lower your defensiveness and determine to put effort into meeting the needs of your spouse, beginning today.
Take time to share
4) Actively seek to think of and share affirmations with one another a minimum of a couple of times a day.
5) Spend increased time conversing daily with your spouse, sharing your experiences of the day, your thoughts, your aspirations and dreams for the future. (Men: focus on the feelings of your wife as they share.)
6) If you have children, share your desires and hopes for them with your spouse. Discuss practical ways and things you might do to help your children in their growth and development process.
Grow together
7) Share the spiritual side of yourself with your spouse. Seek to grow together in this aspect of your relationship. Separation of church and state doesn’t apply to the state of matrimony.
8) Explore ways you and your spouse and family might serve others in the community, for in giving, we receive.
Phil House, Psy.D.
