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Each year, 10 million kids have to adjust to a move
A Published Article on August 1, 2008 by Phil House

The moving van was sitting in front of a house down the street and furniture was being unloaded. It made me wonder whether the family moving in had school aged children and how they would adjust to the neighborhood and the schools. 10 million school-age children move to new communities each year in these United States, with a high number moving during the summer months. That includes quite a number of children in our area whose lives are disrupted by moving. They struggle to cope with feelings of loss, face unfamiliar neighbors and neighborhoods, confront new school environments, and often find their parents less available for emotional support at a time they most need it. Anxiety and situational depression are frequently present and need to be addressed.

Moving tends to exaggerate a child’s strengths and weaknesses. Some children do well with moving, learning to change and adapt, they gain independence and family bonds are strengthened. Other children are overwhelmed, feel insecure and unsupported and cling physically and emotionally to their parents. Some children move with only one parent and their immediate family support system is more limited.

In order to anticipate the possible problems a child may face, consider the age of the child. Younger children tend to be preoccupied with the developmental task of separating from their parents and transferring their allegiance from home to school. For these children, moving may result in some regression where they become more dependent upon their parent(s) during the transition of moving.

Thankfully, the effects are usually short-lived for most young children. Older youth however, are the most vulnerable, primarily due to peer group issues. They rely on peer groups to increase their independence and formulate their own identities. Loss of their peer group, even temporarily, may hamper their developmental process. Since the peer group is so important for adolescents as they form their own identity and increase their independence, the loss of their peer group may result in depressed and anxious feelings. It may lead to confusion about ways to develop new friendships, especially when peer groups appear unapproachable.

There is no clear relationship between the factors that make moves difficult for some children, such as the number of moves, the distance between moves, and even the reason for moving. The adjustment of children to moving is however often strongly related to parental attitudes about moving. Quiet confidence of parents helps dispel the worries of most children. An atmosphere of security in the home is an indispensable and necessary foundation. A feeling that things are under control communicates to kids that they are in a safe environment. When parents communicate personal security, children take security with them. Children whose parents are angry, frustrated, and depressed about an impending move are likely to have a more difficult adjustment than those whose parents view the change as a positive transition.

What Can a Parent Do? When possible, try to carefully select the community where you will live, and visit the school(s) in the potential residential district, even if your move is across town. Talk to the principal and teachers of school(s) if you can, share your concerns and ask questions about the school, curriculum, and various programs they provide and offer. Discuss the move as soon as possible with your children, giving them plenty of information about the move and encourage them to discuss their feelings about it. For younger children consider picking up a storybook from the local library or bookstore, written about children who have moved to a new home and community. Read that book with them and discuss it openly. Depending upon the circumstances and the age and maturity of the children in your family, you may wish to discuss the reasons for the move. But certainly, inform them about the date and location of moving, whether in another town or state or across town. Mark the date on a calendar and circle the location on a map. If the family is unable to visit the new location before the actual move, familiarize everyone by showing them pictures of the new house and neighborhood, school, and other nearby places of interest. Include children in as many decisions as appropriate and possible. Contact the new school(s), enroll your child(ren) and sign a release for them to obtain the past school record, before school begins. If possible, take them to the new school(s) and ask for a brief tour, before their first day of school.

As the moving day nears, encourage your child(ren) to help in the preparations, allowing them to pack their own belongings, as reasonable for their age. This helps them to maintain some sense of control over the move. Do not throw away too many old toys or belongings. These things assure some sense of continuity for children and provide a sense of security in the midst of transition. Help your child(ren) say goodbye to friends. Collect addresses and e-mails, exchange photos so they may better remember old friends.

Once you have made the move, spend time together as a family, showing everyone around and seeking out community activities. Join clubs, seek out sports teams, find and attend a local place of worship that coincides with your faith persuasion, get your child(ren) involved in their youth activities, and invite new friends home for visits. Meet the neighbors and make an effort to help your child(ren) to identify a similar aged child or two in your neighborhood to get to know. Help them with the acquaintance process, providing active coaching and encouragement.

Lastly, endeavor to be tolerant of any adjustment problems you observe. Each child adjusts in different ways, on a different timetable and some will require additional focused supportive attention from you. If your child does not seem to adjust within a reasonable amount of time, you should consider seeking assistance from their school counselor, once school is in session, or a mental health professional in the community. Moving involves significant change and adustment, as well as dealing with loss. This is especially true for children.



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