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At reunions as in life, take all things in moderation
A Published Article on July 9, 2008 by Phil House
Recently I received a letter from past high school classmates informing me that this was the summer for another high school reunion. My first thought was that surely 10 more years hadn’t already passed by. In just a few weeks there will be a weekend of renewing old acquaintances and nostalgic recall of high school events and experiences. A web site has even been established to list updated biographical information and post a self-portrait.
At my last reunion, I was amazed how other classmates had aged. Some had aged well and others, not so well. I quickly put myself into the aging well category. I was pleasantly surprised by the life outcomes of many and saddened by others. I listened as some spoke of getting into better physical shape prior to the reunion in their process of preparing for the event. It is curious that the thought of meeting old acquaintances motivated most to want to present well. It even motivated them to change well-established eating and exercise habits. Alumni are often concerned how their lives compare with those of former classmates. Some exaggerate their accomplishments, feeling pressured to make their life story read better than they believe it to be. This reveals interesting snap shots of self-concept and the need to have others think very well of them.
As I reviewed the recent reunion web site and read about the lives of classmates, I was deeply saddened by the deaths of a number of them or of their children or spouse. Dealing with loss is a part of the reunion experience. It is important to have a loss bearing process in mind, where you can grieve the loss, but also celebrate their lives.
Thoughts of reunion often trigger the recall of unresolved issues and emotions and sometimes feed crises in current interpersonal life. Sometimes, old flames are re-ignited. First or early love is remembered with intensity and nostalgia, with the positive and idealistic portions of the memories standing out against the current background of comparative humdrum or negative life experience. There is active fantasy and desire to relive spent years in a more idealistic way. For a very few, this may be an opportunity to pick up and continue an old romance to an improved life situation. For most who follow this route, the pursuit is a temporary escape, a chasing after fantasy, which soon leads to increased pain and heartache for the individuals and their families.
A major task before and at reunions for alumni, is dealing with the recall of high school and youthful behavior and activities. For the majority with positive memories, it is a time to recall and put the past into perspective. Those who experienced humiliation or bullying in high school may sometimes view a reunion as an opportunity to even the score with former mean or nasty classmates. Developing healthy and positive ways of coping with youthful hurts and insults has somehow been missed by them and their wounds have never healed. Class reunions are usually not the best forum to resolve such hurts. Professional counseling/therapy settings are much better places to resolve such issues. Film and literature has used class reunions as a device to depict the renewed eruption of youthful hurts and intense unresolved emotions. Although entertaining and at times frightening, these depictions seldom mirror the true experience of most alumni attending class reunions.
The majority of class reunions are an opportunity for alumni to nostalgically reminisce about old school days and youthful times, sharing what has happened in their lives as they have gone their separate ways. They are an opportunity to briefly connect interpersonally and maintain acquaintances in a world that too easily allows the loss of connections with individuals from the past. They are a way for alumni to spend a pleasant summer weekend at or near their former school on the anniversary year of their graduation, tending to the maintenance of youthful life relationships.
As you prepare to attend your reunion, start now to attend to your weight and other health issues. Determine to put your best foot forward honestly. Be careful about being too caught up in your presentation. Stay away from using this event to resolve deep emotional hurts. Don’t delve too deeply into the personal life issues of classmates that you have not maintained as close acquaintances. Prepare emotionally as you celebrate the accomplishments and experiences of many classmates and expect a sense of loss as you are updated on sad news of others. Enjoy and revel in the renewal of old acquaintances and recall of the past, and celebrate life.
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